Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Praise you in this storm...

One of my favorite songs of all time is called Praise you in this Storm by Casting Crowns:

My mom had the lyrics written on our fridge - the song was played at her funeral - I've listened to it a million times.  Its sad...but its hopeful.  I go to it instantly when I need to remember - when i need to refocus myself - I'm reading this book about worship right now - this song reminds me that our God is a God of mercy and compassion and we can trust in the promise that he is in control.  Sometimes I REALLY need that reminder.  The book about worship reminded me that worshiping and praising God in ALL situations is evidence of our faith in him.  And the peace, healing, wisdom, evidence of his presence.  So, i'm choosing to praise God.  Its hard sometimes.
That said...My best friend was diagnosed with stage 3 uterine cancer last week.  Actually, she's still in the process of being diagnosed.  She is 29.  If there were more words to explain my feelings, I would already be typing them.  But there aren't.  The level of...ache, that I have for her is beyond anything I have felt, maybe ever.  i feel helpless and frustrated.  I feel guilty for things that happened between us before the diagnosis (which is stupid and I suppose human).  I'm scared.  When I feel helpless, when I'm afraid - I research.  the Google version of research for cancer is never good.  I was scared in the beginning...when they found "abnormal cells" before the C word was even spoken.  I was scared, when it was cancer.  I was scared when it was endometrial cancer.  Then it had spread to her uterus (stage II), then it was in her lymph nodes (stage III) then I read about survival rates...then treatment...and I'm scared.  I lost my mom a year and a half ago...the thought of losing my best friend is...unbearable.  The thought of her being in pain seems unbearable.  The thought of not being able to hold her hand through every second of this process is unbearable.  

i am choosing to praise.  My job is easy.  My part in this is simple, its emotional - I don't make decisions, I don't get poked and prodded, I don't lose my reproductive system.  Choosing to praise, is like choosing to breathe, for me, right now.  Choosing to trust God, to believe that there is a my job.  Supporting my friend, hugging, listening, encouraging, reminding, driving, sitting, soothing, calming, my job.  And its easy...compared to her job.  So I am choosing to praise.  And trust.  I am believing that God will provide the wisdom, peace of mind, clarity and healing that I'm asking for...that I'm begging for.  

If you are a person that prays, I would love for you to pray for those things for her too...

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