Saturday, November 12, 2011

Venting a litlte

There are 2 analogies running through my head and they're getting mixed up and have sort of morphed into one big one that probably only makes sense in my head, where they're already putting them on paper could be interesting.
There are glass balls and plastic balls...plastic balls are things like our financial situations and our jobs...if we drop the ball, they'll bounce back - they won't break.  Then there are the glass balls - these are things like our relationships and our health - when we drop those balls, they shatter.  Our lives are a balancing act - we're juggling all these balls...some are glass and some are plastic and its important to remember that if we drop a plastic ball, it may take some time, but it'll bounce back - when we drop the glass balls, they'll shatter and break.  Thats the first analogy.  The second one is about control in a relationship.  Say there are 10 balls, each representing 10% of the control - together they add up to 100% of the control in a relationship.  How many of the balls are you holding?  How many are the other person holding?  What happens to each person, the person who doesn't have enough balls and the person that has too many? 
Those two analogies don't make a lot of sense together...except that they're both about balls ;)  I've been rolling them around in my mind for the last few days though.
While we were discussing a friendship I've been feeling frustrated about, my counselor asked me last week how many of those 10% balls I was holding and how many my friend was holding.  I felt embarrassed and frustrated when I said I thought I was maybe holding one of the order to regain control of some of the balls she told me to stop and think about what need was being met through giving up my share of the balls...connection, being known, acceptance.  That's what I get out of it.  I wish I hadn't thought about it - I feel worse now.  And I feel angry because our friendship is a big one in my life, and its been there for a long time.  I don't want to feel this way about it...I want to be sure of it, I want to be able to count on it...but its not that easy.  And today, I'm frustrated.
I want this blog to be my journey...I don't want it to be complaining, or even venting about life...I want this to be something positive I can look back and see progress with.  So I'll be done with those thoughts for now.  Today was particularly frustrating in my world of juggling balls and I needed my thoughts to go somewhere.

On another note, I could not keep my blood sugar up for anything today!  I haven't had that problem in a while, but when we got busy at work it was sure frustrating.  For the most part I've stayed pretty in range this past week - I feel like I've got more control  and definitely more understanding than I have in the past, which is awesome.

And finally, Blog Carnival posts:
We want to know a little bit about you.  What are your interests, hobbies, when were you diagnosed? Well, I like crafts and art.  I paint with both oils and acrylics.  I LOVE baking and decorating cakes...of all my hobbies, that one is my favorite.  I like animals and have one cat (who thinks she is a dog) her name is Nikedah.  I was diagnosed last July with type 2 and realized last December that its type 1, so my 1 year diaversary is coming up soon :) 

Describe your worst diabetes day/event.  Um...I would have to say it was around this time last year, before I knew I was type 1.  I was having such bad leg cramps that everytime I fell asleep I got them and I didn't ever sleep for more than like 45 minutes at a time, I was exhausted from the high blood sugar, from not eating because I was trying so hard to bring down my blood sugar, and from not mom had JUST died and I was trying to deal with life...which was raising my blood sugar also.  It sucked.

Next time I write, it will be less crabby.  Promise.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Steph!

    Thanks so much for taking the time to share all of this. I personally love the glass/plastic balls - makes a lot of sense to me.

    Also, I think a blog is a perfect place for all of those thoughts and feelings. It is a safe, non-judgmental outlet.

    I'm chronically behind on blog reading, but I've added you to my google reader and will be back as often as I can to check in and see what's up.

    Keep on writing! It's good for ya! :-)